Wednesday, August 6, 2014


So my sisters are gone now. It was really fun having them here. It's such a blessing to have them in my life! Even if they don't live here, they effect me, who I am and their opinions are important to me. I value them as sisters but at this stage of my life we are just as good of friends. I love it when they are here! I hate it when they go! Its fun to pretend for a few weeks out of the year that this is my reality. My kids have tons of cousins around daily. I have people that want to see me every day and are excited to see me. They understand (mostly) me and my fears, my emotions, the things that consume me, my worries, my hurt, my sense of humor. All of it. Our relationships differ, but they are solid. I just love and miss them. We make jokes about having a "Barrett overload" and to some people I'm sure it is. It's not to me. It's trying to live a year of conversations and experiences in a few weeks, sometimes less than that. What I am so grateful for is that they have husbands that support them, in every way. I'm sure it's not easy for them but they do it and they do it happily. 
It's amazing the bond you have with a sister from the get go. I see it with my girls. Sure they battle and compete, but they also take care of each other. I just want to make an effort to record special moments, even if they are short or whatever. Macy just had her 4th birthday. The day after her bday, Macy wanted to open her frozen princess Anna from the packaging. Instantly a brawl began, who would play with it first?" Crying, scratching, hitting and yelling  the girls were furious. Their screams are so high pitch that sometimes I seriously wonder if my ear drum has been ruptured. It was a little intense to say the least. Avery had a fever all morning. Randomly through out the morning she would go climb up in bed by herself, close her eyes and rest for a bit. As I was trying to rip open the packing to this doll, Avery decided once again she was too tiered and went to lay down. Avery is not one to give in so ya know she's got to be sick for her to bail. As soon as Anna was liberated from the packaging, Macy swooped her yet to be played with doll up and ran to Avery. Leaning over and whispering "Aves, you can cuddle Anna if you want. It can help you feel better." She nestled Anna in her covers right up close to Avery's hot body. "Aves.... Do you want me to cuddle you too?" Avery nodded yes. Macy laid down beside her and began singing the flower song and softly playing with her hair (The song is one my sisters and I would sing together on road trips or to help us get to sleep) Avery closed her eyes and Macy kissed her forehead. Macy eyes started welling up. "But mama, when Avery is sad it makes my heart sad". Avery grinned at Macy and then they both jumped out of bed and ran around all crazy. Reality set back in. Fighting broke out about 2 seconds later. I would like to say "and they both fell asleep and dreamt of leaping on fluffy clouds with fists full of lollipops." I know that's kind of a specific thought but ya know what I mean! Hey, they had a moment and it was sweet and tender. It happened even if it was short lived. The whole thing was like an out of body experience. My kids are young. Sometimes I wonder how bad I'm screwing them up. Then a moment like that happens and you just feel hopeful. Your kids feel empathy or love or whatever it may be. Despite all my flaws they are good sweet girls. With tender spirits and I'm grateful.
Troy and I have got a lot of big decisions to make and it's a little overwhelming if I am honest. School, work, moving, another kid, getting out of debt, where to move to?.... To name a few. I just want to do things right. I want to be supportive and I want Troy to be happy with his career and education. I want to get to a more settled, happy place. I realize that to get there we probably need to make some significant sacrifices. 
I find my self dreaming and fantasizing about down sizing. Purging all the stupid stuff you just accumulate. Instead of counting sheep I count label makers, organizing bins, and other miscellaneous office supplies. So in hopes of making my dreams a reality, I have started making runs to D.I. and the dump. It feels so good! Now we just need to decide when and where to move. Ha!